My days are numbered. Neither a countdown nor up, just numbered. Not a specific number in mind but my superstition and horoscope says I might not make it to 22 (sorry Taylor Swift). As a living being, that is. My last hope would be to not let the audience read this as a letter or view it as a will, but rather a change, a much needed change in this world.
Growing up, I wanted to change the world but didn’t know how. That ambition was stolen from me by some unspeakable act of evil right after I turned 17. Then I became realistic. I knew then being good wasn’t enough. Like all lessons in life, I had to learn it the hard way. I learned what sexual abuse (incest) was from a Chin family of my first love. It crippled me. The start of the ripple effect. Soon after, my faith in humanity was restored from youtube videos, maybe it was cat videos or could be strangers saving puppies.
Although the deed is evil, there is good intention behind it. So I identify as Thanos. Wait, incels might make a meme out of that line. Oh well, they are an interesting subject to study for sure. Anyway, “Deeds, not words”. Action does speak louder than words. These days, even if people voice their opinions and stand up for what they believe in, without some form of action, NFL scandals were more important, or should I say fundraising for new church buildings, to acknowledge the Chin community. Hell, even school shooters got fan mail! My thoughts are jumbled up because I want to get to the heart of this problem just as much as you do. But you aren’t ready for the climax without a backstory. This might sound like a cult but I heard it somewhere: “We live in the dark to serve the light.” And I’m no cult leader. The real cult is going on in the family of my dearest wife. Blinded by religion. Preserving reputation at all costs. Especially the double trouble: Saw Lin and his wife, Neih Neih. The two rats, the two hypocrites!
You see, I knew I had a mental issue(s). Knowing it could hurt my career and not very eager to be labeled “patient”, I never made that call for a diagnosis. Call it OCD, personality disorder, whatever. I was obsessed with her past. Extreme jealousy and anxiety of being cheated on. I couldn’t imagine her with any other guy, let alone being a single mom with some stepdad for my child. My unborn child. My core values were simple: loyalty, family, and love. You could say I did it out of love.
Before I continue in further detail, I need this letter to be read by both sides of the family and also the hypocrites “Chins” and the cult “Chin Christians”. I need this translated into Burmese and Chin, word for word like the Bible. This is not for me but rather for you all to change your ways. I even thought about scheduling an interview with 60 minutes or CCN. I finally stood up for what I believe in; my core values are above those blinded by religion, those cults, those hypocrites. Sure, call me an attention whore. Call me a monster. You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I am not playing the blame game. I don’t want anymore grief from either side of the family.
She was dead the day she became Neih Neih and Sung’s sister. She had a good chance of winning a local beauty pageant. She wanted to and I supported her. I said, “Do it before you get married or you might miss the chance and regret it later”. But as you might have guessed. Her sisters. Such control freaks. Neih Neih would call my wife daily and demanded she return to Indiana after we have eloped. We got married, legally and happily, after plans for a wedding ceremony failed. Though I had half saved up already. Surprise proposal with a three thousand dollar halo diamond ring. We agreed to start our own family. I loved her too much. To a fault. However, the pressure to please her sisters was too much to handle. So the dv case happened. Then we were separated. She was back to her sisters.
My wife didn’t understand the protection order. So she called me and announced she was 6 weeks pregnant. We both wanted our first baby together. I even had a dream of having a little boy. Her sisters forced her to get an abortion. My wife would cry to me to save our child, every night over the phone. I was already in a position where I could not do anything to help. I couldn’t watch her suffer like that. I wanted her to be happy. She begged and begged to everyone, to be a mother.
I want everyone to know that for me it was about my love and starting my own family that I wanted to stop her from getting an abortion. Religion here has nothing to do with it. Unlike you hypocrites, where as you would go to church this Sunday and get choked on the pastor saying abortion is a sin and you swore to not commit that very sin. A week later, you spit on your sister and slap her and force her to get an abortion. Where is your religion now? Jesus saves? My wife told me everything. For the sake of her sisters’ reputation, she said she would do it. If you are willing to kill a baby, you are willing to kill your sister. Was that the last straw?
Keep in mind days leading up to this, we loved each other more than ever before. Her sisters also forced her to divorce me. Again, she begged. Again, hypocrites swore marriage was God-made and sacred. They swore they did not believe in divorce. God’s will? No, we have free will.
I want 3 things out of this: you Chin Christians, hypocrites, cult need to put aside religion and politics and
1. Never force an abortion. It is the choice of the mother alone.
2. Never force a divorce. The decision is solely upon the spouses.
3. If you are emotionally unstable like I am, seek help now. Don’t let your hatred, resentment, pent-up anger get the better part of you.
I have yet to meet a Chin to have intellectual conversations with, talk about oxytocin and endorphins, free from cult-like blind religion and hypocrisy. I know Chins who are smarter than me but would hide in their caves, suppressed by our cult leaders not wanting to have free discussions. If I said Prince was an icon (he still is), you people look at me like I’m a weirdo. George Carlin? Bob Ross? I felt as though I wasn’t allowed to be creative.
When the news hit Myanmar, when the Burmese media had a story, I would do it, I thought to myself. The question is where; where can I join her in peace? It’s only fair to do to myself what I did to her. Should be unsurprising her sisters were unfair to both of us. The news never came. Maybe government shutdown is hurting all feds’ morale. I couldn’t wait any longer. I also keep wondering if the coroner didn’t do his job thoroughly or if the double trouble wanted to hush about the pregnancy to save their dignity. If the press did know, shouldn’t the public know the truth? Shame, even Chin media has adopted the fake news practice.
One day I came home from work early to surprise my wife on her birthday with roses and a cake. Candlelit bedroom that night. Rose petals on the bed. Some light jazz. Tears ran down her cheeks. She admitted I could make her happy (my proudest moment). But her mind was elsewhere. You guessed it! Her sisters. She told me it was their custom for the husband to give a lump sum of $1500, generally, to the bride’s family. Traditions. Unwritten rules. She did give me some time to collect the amount somehow, after I had just spent every last penny on furnitures she wanted. Kitchenware and such. I even allowed her $300 to go on a shopping spree because I understood how stressful it can be to be a new military spouse, unemployed, in an unfamiliar territory. I gave some thought over the $1500, but it just doesn’t feel right to me plus I didn’t have that much. To me it felt as though I was buying her out. It reminded me of a documentary about mail order brides I had watched. The world should cease all operations of mail order bride.
I believe taking good care of my pregnant wife was more important than sucking the toes of my in-laws. How could I even begin to consider honoring their demand for respect when they condemned our marriage? Respect is earned through character not cold cash. It’s most definitely true when men moaned you don’t marry your wife, you marry her whole family.
Keeping her happy was easy; that I could do. It was even my first priority. I gladly took my turn doing chores, dishes, laundry. I cooked on the weekends. Keeping her sisters happy, however, is a whole ‘nother story. They should be ashamed of themselves, with their so called “bawi phun”, some sort of royal bloodline, and their all-consuming ego. The type to extort respect from everyone. You should get off of your moral high horse.
Not to mention, I taught my wife the “debt snowball method” from Dave Ramsey. I was half way done paying off her personal debt, upwards of three grand, a compilation of various credit cards. IMPD is more than welcome to look over my transactions and see if I was exaggerating. No point in exaggerating now. I’m not trying to save myself from anyone. Honestly, I don’t even want to live without her. But of course, and understandably, she kept her reckless spending habit a secret to her sisters. Before we met, she used to lend money she didn’t have to her friends and extended family members. Always behind on payments. I was essentially the “housewife”, if we are talking gender roles, the norm. I have always hated double standards and gender roles.
People don’t want to hear the truth. Every word here is the naked truth. I just wanted the world to know the whole story. This doesn’t justify anything. Sadly, people go out of their ways to confirm their confirmation bias. I’m sure we can all take away something, if not, just know this: If I live a million lives, I would hate you a million times more. Nei Nei & Saw Lin, oh how I love to hate you both, equally. You don’t know what true love is until you have to end the love of your life to cease all her pain and suffering.